Criminals that are caught red handed can’t say anything to defend themselves
So Reinhardt said nothing, he just followed her silently.
Ellen didn’t say anything either.
They kept their distance, Ellen walking a little ahead with Reinhardt behind her.
The festival continued throughout the weekend. So even though it was nighttime and there were fewer people, the main street was still brightly lit. They walked up the hill near the Royal Class, taking in the night view.
They walked for a while.
They weren’t running right now, but it was the route they’d run through every morning, so they were used to seeing it even at night, and they both knew where it led.
They walked down this familiar path.
Ellen sat down at a bench located at the top of the hill, which provided a good view of the surroundings, and Reinhardt sat down carefully next to her.
“I didn’t ask you to sit down.”
“Uh, er.”
Her words startled Reinhardt and he jolted up from the bench, clenching his butt.
Ellen laughed at Reinhardt’s skittishness.
“What do you care if I tell you to sit down or not?”
“That… Ugh… that.”
“Just sit down.”
He looked at her with uncharacteristic seriousness. As if he was guilty of doing something unlawful.
Ellen stared out at the night view of Temple as Reinhardt sat down next to her, sulking.
Had Reinhardt done something really bad?.
And why was it wrong to begin with?
Ellen couldn’t quite put her finger on the answer.
But she felt as if the whole world had abandoned her. It made her feel sad.
But that wasn’t true at all.
The whole world had chosen her, but only one person had abandoned her.
And yet, why did she feel like the whole world had abandoned her?
It was because Reinhardt was her whole world.
Ellen saw a flower falling in front of her.
No.
It wasn’t a flower.
“It’s snowing….”
“…Yeah.”
It suddenly began to snow.
Pure white flower-like snowflakes fell slowly around them.
It wasn’t a pleasant situation.
They didn’t know what to say to each other, and choosing the wrong words could end up hurting each other, so they stayed silent.
Reinhardt didn’t know how to explain his situation.
Ellen didn’t know how to explain her pain.
They both knew that if they said the wrong thing, they’d end up fighting again, so they could only stay silent.
In the end….
‘Who was he?’
‘What kind of person was he?’
‘What the heck were we exactly?’
If these words were uttered, they knew they were bound to hurt one another.
So they couldn’t say anything.
It was a snowy winter night.
They just sat there on the bench, meeting each other’s gaze.
It was cold, and the snow on the ground was starting to gather.
When the wind danced, it carried the snow away.
The snow swirled among the air and inevitably piled up.
That’s how snow was.
“….”
“….”
What were they?
How did they end up like this?
Where did it all go wrong?
She thought about it, but she couldn’t quite put her finger on where it had all started.
Was it when Reinhardt was knocked out by her training sword in the first duel of their swordsmanship class?
Or when Reinhardt woke up and asked her to join him for lunch, feeding her a strange dish she’d never even heard of before?
Or when Reinhardt started to criticize her for eating raw food in the middle of the night?
Or just when she cooked for herself for the first time?
Or when she got tired of all his advice of her cooking and got back at him by giving him swordsmanship advice?
Or was it after they went to the Darklands and experienced all those horrible things?
Ellen thought through it all, one by one, and finally realized.
It began as an insignificant pile, but as time went by, it continued gathering up until it became something undeniable.
Just like snow.
But while you can shovel snow.
You can’t throw away memories.
So, in the depths of her mind, the memories she had with Reinhardt accumulated.
It continued piling up and up.
Ellen’s mind was filled with memories of Reinhardt.
She wanted to hate him.
But it didn’t work out as Ellen had hoped.
Even if she filled the very corners of her mind with hate and bitterness toward Reinhardt, there was already so much space occupied by him.
Even if she wanted to, she couldn’t.
It was weird.
She had already realized anyway.
Reinhardt couldn’t tell her, but he was wracked with guilt.
He had sat on the steps outside the dormitory, brooding until his hands and face were red from the cold.
He was regretful that he couldn’t even explain himself.
She was the one who was upset.
But somehow, it seemed to Ellen that Reinhardt was having a much harder time.
She could see that he was struggling because he couldn’t even say he was sorry.
Ellen wondered what was bothering him. But as always, Reinhard wouldn’t tell her.
“You didn’t have to come to see me.”
“…huh?”
Ellen continued with an explanation.
“You didn’t have to come to see it, you really didn’t.”
Ellen said that quietly. They had no such obligation to each other.
“So… Don’t feel so sorry…”
Reinhardt shouldn’t feel obligated to fulfill Ellen’s request, and he shouldn’t feel so guilty for not being able to honor them. There was no reason for Ellen to feel sad because of that.
Reinhardt stared at Ellen, stock still.
It’s not that he didn’t care.
He stared at Ellen, who stared back stoically, feigning indifference.
-Squeeze
“Ah.”
Reinhardt suddenly pulled Ellen into a hug.
“Just… get mad….”
“….”
“When you’re holding it in… It’s scary… I feel more guilty….”
“….”
Her head told her that she had no right to be angry, but her heart told her that she couldn’t help but feel sorrowful and devastated.
Were they even supposed to be fighting each other over something like this?
Ellen wasn’t sure.
But Reinhardt was hugging her.
He was embracing her, but if anything, it was colder.
His hands and body were cold from being outside for so long, and Ellen felt colder in his arms.
But Reinhardt, who was shivering from the cold, had wrapped his arms around her.
She didn’t know what happened, but he was remorseful.
He looked worse off than she was.
If he felt that bad, whatever happened must have really been out of his hands.
Ellen convinced herself of that.
People did not understand some things even when it was within their range of comprehension.
They just understood the things they wanted to understand.
Ellen wanted to understand Reinhardt now, so she thought to herself that something important must have happened.
She realized that something urgent must have happened for him to break his promise to her.
Ellen gritted her teeth, in Reinhardt’s cold embrace.
His shirt was getting a little wet.
“I was sad….”
“I’m sorry.”
“I… worked hard… I worked so hard… to prepare….”
Reinhardt held Ellen in his arms as she sobbed, her shoulders trembling, choking on her words, confessing little by little.
“No matter… no matter how much I looked for you… sob… you were… you weren’t there… you were missing… It was so frustrating… Ugh… I wanted… I wanted you to come… I told you to come…. sob…”
“I’m sorry….”
Ellen cried as she thought.
If anyone should have been comforted here, it should have been Reinhardt, not her.
Still, she couldn’t stop the tears.
That’s how tears were.
It was deep into the night.
After crying for a while, Ellen removed herself from Reinhardt’s arms.
She stared faraway, lost in a daze.
“…”
Reinhardt didn’t tell her what happened, and she never bothered asking.
Naturally, Reinhardt was getting antsy.
Ellen had been crying for a while, but she suddenly stopped, left his embrace, and stared at the night sky. He wondered what he was supposed to do next since it seemed like Ellen still wasn’t at ease.
It was quite the opposite, really.
Ellen was gritting her teeth.
It was not due to any other reason but rather, because of embarrassment.
She was embarrassed because she realized what she had just done.
She was crying like the world was ending because she had gone to a beauty pageant and her friend hadn’t come. After crying for a while, she had come to her senses.
It was always uncertain that he’d show up for the pageant.
When she finally felt better, it was actually Ellen who was having the harder time dealing with the silence.
But she couldn’t think of anything to say, so she just stared at the night sky in a daze.
She didn’t understand why she had felt such emptiness, as if her whole world had ended, over something like that.
Reinhardt wasn’t there.
She felt like the world had abandoned her because of it.
Now Reinhardt was here with her.
And that was all that mattered.
Ellen glared at Reinhardt.
Now that she was feeling better, she was starting to get grumpy.
“Uh, that… Why? Do you have something… to say?”
Reinhardt was still fussing over her, looking like he’d do whatever she asked of him.
‘I… I need you.’
All the annoyances she hadn’t realized she had were now disappearing just by looking at his face. Ellen stood up from the bench.
Snow was still falling from the sky.
Considering that Reinhardt was already cold, they couldn’t stay outside for much longer.
“Are you cold?”
“I’m okay if it’s just this much.”
As they started walking again, Ellen looked at Reinhardt.
“You’ve been outside the whole time.”
He’d been waiting outside for a long time due to guilt, and he’d gotten even colder following her here.
Reinhardt just kept walking, as if he didn’t mind.
“If you’re cold, you can go in.”
Ellen insisted, worried that Reinhardt might catch a cold.
“…I just want to hang out with you.”
“Oh.”
Those words made Ellen’s heart flutter.
It was just something he said without much thought.
He’d already said such things before.
Out of nowhere, she found herself thinking in circles about the uttered words.
Ellen wondered if she had lost her mind.
Just a moment ago, she had felt so lonely and alone, like she had been abandoned by the world.
Now she had this strange feeling of having the entire world all to herself.
Was it really possible for a person to feel this way, to fall in and out of moods so quickly?
Was it okay to feel like one person was her everything?
Whenever he smiled, she smiled too.
If he’d liked her, she’d be happy.
Was it okay to have all her feelings depend on one person only?
Was it alright that she’d be willing to let that person take rein over her life?
They walked down the street under the snowy night.
Descending the slope, Reinhardt glanced at Ellen and warned her.
“Watch your step, or you’ll slip!”
-Bam!
”????”
Not wanting to see her slip, Reinhardt warned Ellen about the path, only to end up slipping himself. Ellen tried to help Reinhardt up but….
-Slip!
”!”
-Bam!
She also slipped and fell down.
“…Just what are we doing…?”
“Yeah….”
They stood up and patted the snow off.
Keeping a small distance between them, they walked through the snowy night.
At the bottom of the hill, they could hear the distant sounds of people milling about in the glittering nightlife of the main street.
Since it was the festival, there were stalls open all day and night long, selling all sorts of food. Ellen stood still, alternating her gaze between the stalls and Reinhardt.
“Do you want to go to…?”
Ellen nodded, her cheeks flushed, as she replied.
“…Yes.”
Ellen said.
She usually wouldn’t want to participate in such activities, but today, she had a reason to.
Because it was the first snow of the season.
And because they were together.
“If you want to, then let’s go.”
The festival was winding down.
It was not the last night of the festival, but it was close to it.
But to Ellen, it felt like the festival had just begun.
Only now, near the end, when she could be alone with Reinhardt, had she felt the festive mood.
Even though it was past midnight, the main street was packed with people.
Drinking was not allowed inside Temple, but since there was a festival, there were plenty of sights and activities for the masses, even this late at night.
Of course.
-Omnomnomnom
In Ellen’s case, the sights and activities were limited to food only.
“This is delicious.”
“Uh, yeah.”
Ellen, with chubby cheeks, handed Reinhardt one of the rice cake skewers (Tteok-kkochi) and he ate it wordlessly.
The tension between them had disappeared. But Reinhardt still felt a bit of guilt, so he obediently followed Ellen around.
They still hadn’t regained their usual sense of distance.
They walked around the streets, looking at the merchandise, watching street performers, and buying food from street vendors.
Somehow, Ellen was getting more attention than usual today.
-Isn’t that her?
-Huh? Yeah.
Reinhardt couldn’t help but hear the chatter around them.
When a group of men and women on the street cautiously approached them and blocked their way, Reinhardt frowned as he started with his usual attitude,
“What’s the matter with you people blocking the way of others….”
“Aren’t you Miss Temple?!”
Reinhardt stiffened at their sudden outburst, but Ellen just nodded nonchalantly.
“Yes.”
“What?”
“Uh, somehow… I think you’re pretty even in plain clothes!”
Seeing Ellen’s nonchalant admission, and the group fussing over the fact that they were talking to her, Reinhard stared in bewilderment.
“You… won the contest?”
Reinhardt murmured in a daze, as if he couldn’t believe it, and Ellen’s mouth started to turn into a frown as she watched his stunned reaction.
“Why shouldn’t I have…?”
“Oh, err, I didn’t mean it that way….”
Ellen began to leave Reinhardt behind, stomping along the way, pouting and mumbling annoyed.
All it took for Reinhardt to calm Ellen down was a warm cup of lemon tea.
“No, of course I didn’t think you’d lose, but you didn’t say anything, so I… I thought you didn’t win.”
“Okay.”
They had sat down on a bench and sipped their hot lemon tea. Not only was Ellen at the pageant but she had also participated in the end parade. Thus, quite a few people on the street with good eyesight recognized Ellen, even in her plain clothes.
No one spoke to her directly, but there were plenty of people passing by and talking among themselves.
-Isn’t that Miss Temple?
-I think so.
-And next to her, is that her boyfriend?
-…Damn it.
-Hey…, why are you feeling regretful?
-No. Who said that?
-Come on, it’s Miss Temple, and she’s even in the Royal Class.
-Really?
As they passed by, everyone that looked at Ellen had something to say, and Reinhardt, who was sitting next to her, couldn’t help but listen to it.
Ellen’s expression gradually changed to a frowning one yet again.
“It’s annoying.”
Apparently it bothered her that people recognized her. Ellen didn’t mean for that to happen at all.
She was bothered that people recognized her.
This year’s Miss Temple, who stood on the winner’s podium in a white gown to cheers and applause, was now walking down the street this winter night in a black tracksuit. Thus, she clearly conveyed her disdain for being recognized.
Ellen glared at Reinhardt.
“It’s all because of you.”
“That… Uh, sorry…”
Reinhardt was taken aback by her glare. She was finally angry at him like he wanted, but it still took him off guard.
Tired of people recognizing them, gossiping about them, and occasionally stopping to talk to them, Ellen and Reinhardt left the main street.
It was really late by now, so the crowds thinned out once they had left the main street.
It was still snowing, and a light dusting of snow had settled on their heads and shoulders.
“Miss Temple, huh… You won. Congratulations.”
“…That doesn’t mean anything.”
“…Yeah.”
They both knew that Ellen didn’t join the pageant for the title in the first place, so she didn’t need to be congratulated for it. Especially not by him.
The longer they walked, the more snow piled up on their heads and shoulders.
“Hold still.”
“…?”
Reinhardt, who had been walking for a while, stopped Ellen for some reason and brushed the snow off of her.
As they started walking again, Ellen looked at Reinhardt’s shoulder.
There was snow on him too.
He brushed the snow off her head and shoulders, not bothering to brush the snow off himself.
Perhaps, he didn’t even think about it.
He could see the snow on Ellen, but he didn’t realize that there’s snow on him too.
Reinhardt, still covered with snow, noticed Ellen’s stare and asked.
“…What?”
“….”
Ellen stopped them again and brushed the snow off Reinhardt this time.
She then said in a whisper.
“You’re an idiot.”
“…Where did this come from?”
Reinhardt, dumbfounded by the abruptness of her words, resumed following her as she moved ahead.
Reinhardt was a weird guy.
“You’re weird.”
“…I hear that a lot.”
Ellen kept walking.
“I thought you were weird from the beginning, and I still think you’re weird.”
“…Yeah.”
Ellen blew out a cloud of white breath and took a sip of her lemon tea.
She’d been carrying it around for a while so it had cooled a bit.
“But your weirdness when I first met you, and the weirdness you have now… I think they’re too different.”
“….”
She had always thought that Reinhardt was weird, storming off and getting into fights all the time.
But as time went on, and as she got to know more of him, the Reinhardt she knew became weird in a different way.
“I wish you weren’t such a weirdo, though I sometimes think that….”
Ellen let out a sigh as she looked at Reinhardt.
“If you weren’t weird, this wouldn’t have happened.”
Ellen mumbled to herself. Ellen looked away from Reinhardt and back to the road ahead.
“Did you even want to come today?”
“If I could have….”
“Don’t be vague.”
Ellen stopped walking and turned around to face Reinhardt.
Then she looked Reinhardt straight in the eye.
The look on her face said to treat this seriously.
It was a relationship filled with ambiguity.
They always spoke in roundabout ways, fearing that something would break if they would express themselves clearly. Therefore, Reinhardt and Ellen’s relationship was a strange one, it was both something and nothing at the same time.
She wanted to be sure of something, but since Reinhardt didn’t come, it remained ambiguous.
Still, she wanted to be sure.
Ellen looked Reinhardt straight in the eye, as if to tell him to not to dodge the question.
She asked him directly.
“Did you want to see me today?”
“….”
She wouldn’t hold it against him that he didn’t come.
She wouldn’t even ask what had happened.
She wouldn’t think about the heartbreak and grief she felt anymore.
She wanted a clear, definite answer.
“Yeah.”
Reinhardt nodded.
But Ellen didn’t intend to stop there.
“How much?”
He stared at Ellen as her question gave Reinhardt quite the shock.
After a long while, Reinhardt finally gave in.
He opened his mouth as if to confess.
“…I’m going regret it for the rest of my life that I didn’t go today.”
“….”
The rest of his life. A lifetime.
Regret.
The word ‘regret’ usually didn’t have good connotations, but those two words together made her feel warm.
A lifetime.
You are the one who could affect my entire life.
It was as if she had heard him say those words.
“You want to see me in the dress?”
“Yeah.”
Ellen couldn’t help but laugh at Reinhardt’s immediate response.
He looked so silly.
He really wanted to come.
He really couldn’t make it.
She didn’t need any excuses nor reasons.
The silly look on his face was enough of an answer.
That look took away every last bit of resentment Ellen had left.
They had walked back to the dorm.
“This is weird.”
-…What do you mean?
“I can’t wear it alone.”
-ah… I see.
After leaving Reinhardt outside and entering her room, Ellen tried to put on the dress she wore today on her own but she ended up making a mess.
She couldn’t even tighten the corset by herself, so the dress looked bigger, rolled up like it wasn’t meant to fit her at all.
She said she’d show him, but on the way home, Ellen realized a problem.
This dress Liana had given her required her help to put on in the first place. So on the way back, Ellen realized she couldn’t get dressed at all.
Thinking she could figure it out, she went back to her room and tried to crawl into the dress she wore today, only to realize it was impossible.
It was Ellen, not Reinhardt, who had been swayed by the atmosphere.
She didn’t have any makeup on and her hair was a mess, so the point was moot.
The dress wasn’t something she could get into by herself in the first place..
It was nearly dawn, and she couldn’t wake Liana, who was still sleeping.
She looked in the mirror and saw herself in the mirror, her clothes were literally draped over her body.
She couldn’t show this to anyone.
“….”
She had thought she could do it alone, but it ended up like this.
She couldn’t show it to him.
Ellen was needlessly upset.
In her anger.
She repeatedly stomped on the floor.
-Thud! Thud!
-Why, why am I like this?!
“No!”
In a fit of frustration, Ellen tried to rip off her dress, which was only loosely worn at best.
Of course, dresses were as hard to take off as they were to put on.
-Bam!
Eventually, Ellen tripped and fell.
“….”
-What the hell is going on in there?
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